How To Tackle Your Relatives' Awkward Questions During CNY | By Naomi & Tiffany
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| Photo by Theodore Lee. |
Chinese New Year—the season of overeating and having your relatives pester you about your (undecided, possibly non-existent) wedding date. Those of us who celebrate CNY have all squirmed when we were asked awkward questions at family gatherings at least once in our lifetimes. Hence, for this Chinese New Year, we have prepared a practical, step-by-step guide that can (hopefully) help you tackle those cringy questions from your relatives. Though you may not be having large get-togethers with your family this year, you could keep these responses in mind for future gatherings!
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| Photo by Liau Kah Man. |
Got girlfriend / boyfriend or not?
Ah, the infamous, dreaded and unavoidable question that relatives ask regardless of the occasion. Well, if you do have a romantic partner, then good for you, you can skip this section. But for those of us who are single (and not necessarily ready to mingle), the steps below may be useful for you.
If you’re single:
- “No, but I don’t want a partner yet. I want to focus on…[studies/career/hobbies/taking care of myself first].”
- “I want to take my time to find the right partner. And yes, I want to do that myself,
meaning I don’t want you to do any matchmaking for me.” - “No, I don’t have a partner, but I’ll tell you what I do have. I have…[talk about accomplishments or best friends or other things that you’re grateful for].”
- (If you’re planning on staying single) Just be honest. State your reasons. Times have changed, who knows? They might even be persuaded.
If it’s complicated:
- (And you’re having physical family gatherings.) We suggest diverting their attention to the buttery pineapple tarts sitting in their containers.
- As for online gatherings, you may switch off your wifi and claim that you have internet connection problems (for once, they would actually be helpful!).
- But for real, if you’d rather not go into details, you may want to say a simple “no” or “I don’t want to talk about it”. If you say it nicely, your relatives will most likely be sympathetic and let you off the hook. You can also refer to some of the answers in “if you’re single”. This could save you from subsequent interrogation or matchmaking.
If you’ve just broken up:
- (And they ask about your ex.) You may provide short replies such as “Oh, [your ex] is doing good” and proceed to comment on the crispy prawn crackers whilst pressing one into their hands.
- (And your ex is unknown to them.) You may sigh in relief and refer to the “If you’re single” section.
- If it’s too much to handle, there is always the restroom to confide in and collect your emotions.
When getting married ah?
If you thought they’d let you go after the boyfriend-girlfriend question, well, you're wrong! Having a significant other only opens the door to this question. Here are some answers that you might consider. (But since we aren’t married and are no experts in this, we’d love to hear your suggestions in the comments section below!)
- “We’re not ready yet. Right now we want to become more financially stable first.”
- “The pandemic is still really bad. We don’t want to have a wedding that no one can attend.”
- “Don’t worry. When we want to get married, we will tell you one la!”
Why you study this course, no money earn one la
Though the “doctor, lawyer, engineer or disgrace to family” mindset is rare today (rare, but not extinct), some family members do look down on people who major in ‘easy’ fields. Before you lose your temper and yell about those assignments and exams that nearly drove you mad, check out the guide below.
- Research the employability of your career prospects. This may take some effort, but it’s not only good for quelling your relatives, it’s also valuable knowledge for you to hold on to.
- Explain the skills (both hard and soft) that you’ve learned from your field of study, and how it can help you in the future. For example, if you’re a culinary student and your grandma trashes you with her excellent cooking, you can explain to her the service etiquette and various cuisines that you have learned, and how it helps you relate with people from different cultures.
- Tell them why you’re passionate about this field. If they can see how earnest and happy you are with your field of study, then they might feel happy for you too.
Is that even a real job?
Depending on what you work as, you may or may not have heard this question before. If you have, take it in stride—as long as you’re earning money, it is a job! This question doesn’t even need a guide. Just tell whoever’s asking the question that you’re earning money and you’re doing fine.
Why you always do all these Internet things? Before eat take picture, after eat also take
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| Photo by Liau Kah Man. |
Of course we need to post at least one insta-story about our #CNYDinner, but our relatives may not understand that. Here are some approaches to tackling this question that you could try:
- I want to show my friends all the 好料 (good food) I’m eating ma!
- [The cook] spent so much time preparing this meal, of course must take picture to remember lor!
- Make my friends feel jealous because they don’t have [the cook’s] food to eat ma hehe
Do avoid: Aiya you don’t understand one la!
Exam last year ah! How many As did you get?
If you got good results, then I’m sure you’ll have no problems answering this question. But if you weren’t satisfied with your results, here are some ideas that you can consider:
- The framing — Tell them that the glass is half full instead of half empty. For example, if your CGPA was 2.5, say that you were just 1.5 marks short of the perfect score.
Photo by Liau Kah Man. - The tone — Be confident. If you were genuinely proud of your achievements, don’t be afraid to show it. You determine what success means to you, not the As on a piece of paper or the number in your student portal.
- The focus — If the focus is shifted to your oh-so-successful cousin or sibling, politely but firmly remind whoever’s asking that you are not them. You are your own person. You don’t need to live life trying to be someone else.
What are you going to study in uni leh? Smart girl/boy like you study medicine la!
Again, you are you. Being academically-inclined does not mean you are mandated to study medicine (or any of the typical ‘Asian-parents-approved’ courses). You are absolutely entitled to express your inclination towards any field or career that you’d like to pursue in the future! Everyone is different, but different is good.
Where most of us are aware that the word ‘smart’ is just a formality among relatives (and you personally do not feel ‘smart’), receive this as an encouragement. Similarly, be proud of your passion and share it with your relatives! Exude confidence and have a proper chat with them.
In short...
Regardless of your answers towards the above questions posed, do remember one thing: be polite! As annoying and awkward these questions are, relatives are still relatives. Chinese New Year 2021 won’t be quite the same, but cherish the bonding, the relatives, and yes, these awkward questions! They are the “Chi” to the “nese” and the “New” to the “Year”. Happy 牛 (niú) Year!
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