An Introvert’s Guide to Making Friends: An article by an under-qualified introvert | by Alison Lee Yeuh Chii
Illustration by Vernice.
Friends. Love them, hate them, you can’t deny that you need them, or at the very least, that’s what society seems to suggest. Now, while most of us would very much like the idea of having a handful of people with whom we can genuinely laugh and cry and go through the ups and downs of life, making friends isn’t always as easy as it sounds. This is especially true if you are an introvert, which means God maxed out your ‘fear of thy fellow human’ stat and left your social life on hard mode.
If you’re reading this and frowning to yourself, wondering if you might perhaps be one of these elusive creatures known as the introvert, remember it’s more of a spectrum than it is a fixed box. Generally, if being around your fellow humans drains your social battery worse than sitting through an extremely monotonous lecture, congratulations, you’re probably one of us! So if you’re an introvert looking for tips to make friends, grab some tea, curl up in your favourite corner of your room and read on for this simple eight-step guide to making friends.
Step 1: Realise that humans are unfortunately social creatures
Now the first step, I’d argue, in doing anything at all is getting into the right mindset. As it was said by one of the greatest philosophers of all time, “Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human.” As Aristotle suggests, mankind as a species are social creatures by nature and man simply cannot stand alone. Our lives are undoubtedly fuller when we have the right people to share them with, and though the lone wolf persona may suit many just fine, at some point, one may tire of being alone.Step 2: Get out there (literally and figuratively)
The next step is pretty obvious now that we have the right mindset. As comfortable as binging Netflix shows on your bed while procrastinating over that overdue assignment may be, you have to physically leave your house/dorm/tiny rented room if you intend to make new friends. So get out there, literally, and put yourself out there. You’d probably find the second half of this step much harder than the first but you are far more likely to make friends if you’re actively seeking opportunities to meet new people rather than waiting around for an extrovert to adopt you.
Meeting a new person.
Photo by Andrea Perng Xin Yie.
Step 3: Don’t be too hard in yourself
Making friends will definitely be awkward at first, especially when dealing with people is just not your forte. When the awkward silence stretches, more often than not you will feel like crawling back under your covers and hoping you’ll never have to interact with anyone ever again, but always remember this is a perfectly normal reaction. Don’t get discouraged, for making friends, like most other things in life, just takes a little practice (or a lot depending on where you fall on the introvert scale).
Awkward.
Photo by Trinity Wong.
Step 4: Find people with common interest
The next step is logical, seeing that you’ll most likely find it a lot easier to make friends with people who share your interest. Apart from having more conversation topics, people with common interests also tend to think on a similar wavelength, which lends a hand in achieving carmerade. There are quite a number of ways to find such people, the most obvious of which is to join a club or a social group. However, you could also take a class to pick up a new skill you find yourself interested in, get involved in organising a school event, or perhaps even take up that part-time job you’ve always wanted to. The possibilities are endless if you’re open to grabbing the opportunity.Step 5: Start a conversation
Now, this step is pretty intimidating for obvious reasons. While you could technically wait for an extrovert to approach you, you could always take the proactive approach and start a conversation yourself if you feel a little daring. Forewarning, you may or may not spend a few hours every night going over every single word that left your mouth, cringing at the very thought, but this is perfectly normal. Learning to ignore it is just a part of coming out of your shell and at some point, you’d come to realise that most people are far too busy worrying over every dumb thing they’ve said to remember much about your slip-ups. The human mind is oddly fickle that way.
Start a conversation.
Photo by Trinity Wong.
Step 6: Remember to smile
Take it from someone who looks like you’ve just spit on their mother’s grave when they aren’t smiling, and you do not want to forget this step. Scowling while talking about why you like cute fluffy Pomeranians can send some pretty confusing signals.
Smile.
Photo by Trinity Wong.
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