The Art of Seenzoning | by YQH
Illustration by Kwai Pin and Jessica
Why do we leave other on read?
Is it a classic play move, where we want to justify our position as someone who's somehow better, who doesn't need to reply to every beck and call? Is it really that deep?
Here we will look at a few reasons why people "seenszone" each other.
1. Insecurity: Sometimes we leave people on read because of our own insecurities, self-doubt or ego. We hope to achieve a sense of power, to feel superior over someone by having the thought that it was us who held the deciding vote; to be the one who ended the conversation, instead of the one who was ignored or being left on read. We decide that it's better to hurt someone than get hurt ourselves.
2. Sometimes the other person isn't so important to us: As harsh as it is, we often pay more attention to people or things that we care about. Conversely, if we think that there will be no further interaction with a person, we could be more comfortable leaving them on read, despite the fact that a simple "thank you", or "you're welcome" would have been appreciated at the moment.
3. Our current mental state when receiving a text: We live in a fast-paced world where stress is unavoidable. Sometimes, we might be so busy that we may see a message and forget to reply to it late on. Or we were so tired that we just didn't want to deal with it, and let it sit there till we think we are ready to reply.
Photograph by Trinity Wong
However unintentionally, we are contributing and having a negative culture called "seenzoning", which has negative consequences.
1. Detrimental towards building closer relationships with one another. Loneliness is a very apparent and ubiquitous issue in our current world. we often find ourselves forming "surface" relationships with one another without ever having a deeper relationship with someone. when we leave someone on read, we are essentially signalling the end of a conversation, which then means there will be no more exchange of thought, opinions or feelings with one another unless one person makes the move to break the silence. Deep relationships are formed from thousands of exchange of words, ideas and the bravery to be truly honest with each other. So, if a deeper relationship is what you are looking for, it may be worth it to reply to some of those messages you once left on read.
2. Portraying a "closed door" image. As humans, we are instinctively attracted to pen body language, confidence, and kindness. Inherently, we seek it. Anyone would be more than willing to hold a longer conversation with someone who is responsive as this signifies you are an active listener and someone who genuinely cares for what that person has to say. To truly engage in that conversation as if you are talking to them in person, that is the beauty of messaging which we often overlook. However, seenzoning sends the exact opposite message and leaves people feeling bored or worried instead.
3. Lower one's self esteem. anyone would feel awful is they felt no one was paying attention to their words. seenzoning sends a message to the receiver, which is "I have nothing left to say to that". Imagine how the person n the other side of the screen feels, they probably might feel confused, thinking maybe they had something wrong or that they are not a good conversationalist, even a boring person. This leave them feeling dejected, and slowly chips away at one's self esteem, subconsciously they might develop a fear of reaching out as they are always being. ignored or abandoned.
Photograph by Trinity Wong
We hold the power to spread kindness, so let us do that instead. Here are a few tips and tricks to be a better texter.
1. React with emojis. When words doesn't seem appropriate, bring out the emojis. Anything is better than leaving a conversation out to dry, as even a simple emoji lets the other person know that you have read and acknowledged them. A simple form of respect that we are fully able to give someone, "I see you", is all that we need.
2. Cultivate a genuine interest in connecting with people. Every single person that we come across is unique and interesting in their own ways. We might not be able to discover that if we only just looked from outside. Hence, let's try to actively seek out a connection by having a genuine interest in getting to know that person better. If we do, the conversation flows, introvert or not. We might discover that we actually have more things in common than we thought, if we give each other a chance.
3. Be vulnerable. A reply doesn't hurt, it doesn't mean we are any less of a human by being the one left on read instead of the other way round. In fact, it just shows how brave we are by being the one who isn't afraid of opening up and spreading the kindness wherever we are. By replying, we are increasing the self-worth of others as we are letting them know that we have heard their voices through their text and responded to it with sincerity and genuineness.
Photograph by Andrea Perng
Maybe today wasn't a good day, and we just feel like we're not 'happy' enough to reply to someone else's texts without unintentionally spreading some of our dark clouds through the tone of our texts. And that's totally fine. We can just try again tomorrow. And if tomorrow isn't a good day either, try again the next anyway.
What we often let go of when we are deep within our own miseries is the power that we possess of ourselves -be it our mind, body or soul. Hence, don't hesitate to claim back power and strength over yourselves, and definitely don't feel ashamed or afraid to seek the help of loved ones or even professionals to hear us out.
The best time to act is now. Just click open that conversation and type up a reply. Someone will definitely appreciate you for doing that.
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