20, it came almost too quietly, blending into my daily mundane as I struck off ‘eat bday mashed potato volcano with dino nuggets’ from my to-do list.

Growing up with chick flicks and coming-of-age films, the idea of being ‘not a teen’ for the first time in a long time made it feel like turning 20 would be so… defining. It was magical, the way the number carried with it such a heavy certainty and conviction.

Yet, as I waited until the very second of turning 20, that dramatic defining moment of my life never came. And that evening, I stared at the ceiling and wondered: What does it mean to be 20?

For most of us, teenhood might’ve felt like 7 long years of being at a flea market, navigating and bargaining portions of ourselves as though we’re made of spare parts for sale. But life extends far beyond teenhood, and a 7-year leeway for identity crises just isn’t enough.

Especially not when every journal article ever about the 21st-century phenomenon of emerging adulthood highlights that we could take up to the age of 40—yes, you read that right—to finally feel like an adult.

According to American developmental psychologist Dr. Arnett, emerging adulthood refers to the period of development from the ages of 18 to 29 experienced by most people in their 20s, primarily in developed regions of the world.

The nature of this phenomenon is marked by new adults opting to explore adult social roles from a different perspective, retaining adolescent quirks while trying to delay their new responsibilities and obligations.

Most notably, feeling ‘in-between’ is a tell-tale characteristic of emerging adulthood. You've probably felt it too if you’ve ever had to be your own plumber after moving out. Google isn’t helping, your sink is stuck because you forgot that noodles clog pipes, and you desperately need a real adult because you’re just a kid.

What else could you even be?

Well, the answer to that depends on whether you can embrace and utilise the phenomenon’s nature of delayed adulthood.

The issues of emerging adulthood are most evident when new adults are held to the same expectations as those well into adulthood regarding decision-making skills and self-reliance. This is because what is afforded to these new adults during their adolescence often becomes the determining factor of how they view what is expected of them in their new stage of life.

As we pair the innate instability of the phenomenon with the lack of proper guidance for adolescents and new adults, studies reveal that many emerging adults show high levels of externalising problems through risky behaviours. For instance, developing a heavy addiction to substances. Some others also show high levels of an internalising nature, with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

In contrast, a 2014 study by Steinberg asserts that intentional use of the extended adolescence period allows new adults to reap benefits. In the 21st-century context of stagnating economies, young adults—particularly in developed countries—need more time to transition to adulthood successfully.

Emerging adulthood functions as a framework for that by delaying full-fledged adulthood through extending academic requirements. Tertiary education institutions act as environments that allow new adults to go through sufficiently stimulating experiences, cultivating their mental maturity, and equipping them with the resourcefulness needed to navigate adulting complexities (like filing your taxes, ew).

Honestly? Pretty neat for a phase of life that started off sounding dreadful.

Beyond the psychological phenomenon, though, is the emotional aspect of crossing the bridge from adolescence to early adulthood.

Entering and being in your 20s is like having a 40Hz Gamma brainwave video humming into your ears on loop. And like life, the beat doesn’t change: wake up, eat, watch some people come, watch some people go, rinse, sleep, and repeat.

Yet unlike the overflowing emotions you tried to hold back in your teens, your palms today are dry and cracking at the lines. It’s a vague stuffiness in your chest—constantly bored with the mundane, always waiting for something to break it, and forever feeling like you’re changing but never really knowing into who or what.

Whether that’s an allergic reaction to the peace you never expected to come, or a soft realisation that growing up and out of teenhood doesn’t have clarity built-in, it doesn’t stop it from feeling odd because teenhood taught you that emotions never come quiet.

But here you are still, persevering through the in-betweens with all these indescribable, contradictory emotions.

You could assume that maybe this is it, the entirety of your 20s: just a slow, beautiful mess that unravels each time you learn a bit more about yourself.

Full of what-ifs and maybes, but also full of despite-s.

And it makes you think that perhaps the growing pains of the in-betweens were meant to teach us how to live between opposite extremes and still find something valuable in it all.

To face the unknown, scared but brave. To love despite and because of loss. To nevertheless live meaningfully, though searching for a personal meaning.

A surprisingly gentle beginning that's ready and set when we are.