Hence, in honour of World Men’s Day, Taylor’s Speaker’s Corner collaborated with Men Against Toxic Masculinity (MATM) in an open mic session. This event cultivated a virtual community where participants can freely exchange their views about toxic masculinity.

Founded in 2018, MAT organized workshops to help people realize the flexibility of the word ‘masculinity’. They regularly organize a men’s healing group where they would meet up to discuss masculinity and the issues surrounding it. It is a safe space for people to be free from society's unfortunate stigma.

The night began with Rizal Rozhan, the co-founder of MAT, making a distinction between the terms ‘masculinity’ and ‘patriarchy’.

According to Google, he said, masculinity is defined as “the qualities or attributes regarded as characteristics of men”. On the other hand, ‘patriarchy’ refers to a system or a government whereby men hold supremacy over women and exclude them from important decisions.

Rizal also highlighted that the word ‘masculinity’ has a loose meaning as different individuals may come from different standpoints. For example, a man deemed ‘masculine’ may be depicted as someone who is aggressive or rough for one, or kind and gentle for another.

“No matter what they tell us, patriarchy and masculinity are not the same,” expressed Dorian Wilde, a human rights activist and organiser of Taylor’s Speaker’s Corner.

The panelists went on to share what they believe toxic masculinity is in a nutshell.

“One of the many toxic masculinity traits is impunity. They feel like they can do whatever they want without being held accountable,” said Rizal. “No one in their right mind should have this kind of thinking.”

“I think one of the main parts of it is shame,” added Dorian. “It’s the basis of why we as men don’t change.”

Source: Future Women

With the commonization of toxic masculinity, men have also started to adopt the ‘bro code’, a common friendship etiquette which consists of unwritten rules that are to be observed within the social circles of men.

“Every time we question the norm or the ‘bro code’, it’s a form of resistance to these existing structures that have been causing a lot of harm to those who don’t conform to these norms,” said Gavin Chow, an LGBTIQ+ community organiser.

Jannah, an active audience member, described how she felt women contributed to toxic masculinity too. “I know some girls who actually desire this kind of inappropriate attention from guys. We always talk about how men are acting out toxic masculinity, but we don’t think about how women support these ideals as well,” Jannah pointed out.

The crowd also had the opportunity to hear from Sabrina Aripen, founder of SERATA, who openly shared her struggles of dealing with domestic violence from her ex-husband.

“When I did better than him in my subjects while he kept failing, that was when I saw how toxic masculinity contributes to domestic violence, like these expectations of how women should not overstep men and not be so verbal,” she said.

Source: Teen Vogue

“Repression is one of the behaviours often seen in men. They are afraid of judgement. They are afraid of being laughed at. They are afraid of losing power. The inability to express these insecurities and always finding the need to prove themselves in a certain way,” said Kok Sen Wai, a psychiatrist and a member of MATM, who lives by his motto ‘I’m secure so I don’t care’.

With a similar spirit, he also spoke about how men at times act in denial — a result of them not being frank with their concealed thoughts.

“Usually when we do couples’ therapy, I would ask the couple: ‘Why don’t we have a talk with you and your significant other during office hours?’” he explained. “I realised that a lot of these men refused to come because they feel that they do not need the help.”

Rizal suggested that these men could seek help from people they are close to as it is harder for them to open up to strangers.

The blend of insights we’ve received from our speakers has truly illuminated the dark side of masculinity that is rarely brought up during conversations between Malaysians. “With MATM, we wanted to create a support system,” said Rizal. “A lot of men are alien to this concept. Simply challenging them to think differently would be very, very difficult. Unfortunately, the only way to change them is through the people who are close to them.”

Source: The Guardian

To anyone who is struggling with voicing out their problems, it’s important that we form bonds with a trusted community, a group who listens to what we unapologetically have to share.

As Ibnu Mohammed so eloquently put it: “It is time for us to embrace our vulnerabilities. Let’s see everything just as we are, as plain humans, so that everything is on equal ground.”

Firstly, don’t be afraid to speak out against acts of toxic masculinity. In doing so, we make the perpetrator feel uncomfortable and question their actions before possibly damaging words leave their mouth the next time.

It is only by giving will you receive. You may contribute to this issue by participating in events like charities or volunteer work, which will bring us all closer to a world without toxic masculinity.

Finally, you may promote awareness through social media. In our era of globalisation, social media is undoubtedly the most efficient way to spread publicity as it’s a privilege that hundreds of millions have access to. Bringing people together is just one step away from solving this deeply rooted issue that has been plaguing our society. If you are just starting on your journey, consider things like starting a hashtag or forwarding a post to a friend.

In the words of Barack Obama: “All of us have to recognize that being a man is first and foremost being a good human. If you’re confident about your strength, you don’t need to show it by putting somebody else down; show it by lifting somebody else up.”

In conclusion, we cannot solve the issue of toxic masculinity by shying away from it. It all starts with you. Now, how would you like to redefine masculinity?

For those who are interested, here’s a list of resources for further reading.

● What Is Toxic Masculinity?

● The Fantastic Masculinity of Newt Scamander

● Man Enough: The Series (Season 1)

If you’d like to learn more about MATM, feel free to contact Rizal Rozhan at +60133488483 or find him on Twitter @RizalRozhan.