Fake It Till You Break It: The Dangers of Toxic Positivity | by Lim Zhen Ping

by - September 12, 2024

Illustration by Clarissa (@.dumpling.gram.) and Emelyne (@realm_of_makia)

We all know someone who seems to radiate positivity 24/7—the person who always has a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what life throws at them. It’s admirable to have a sunny disposition, but when that positivity feels forced, it can become something far less healthy: toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is the practice of always putting on a happy face, even when it's not authentic or when genuine emotions demand acknowledgement.

Imagine this: You’ve had a rough day, and you confide in a friend, hoping for some empathy. Instead, they respond with, “Just be positive!” or “It could be worse!” Rather than feeling comforted, you might feel even worse, as if your struggles don’t matter. This is toxic positivity in action—an obsession with maintaining a positive facade at all costs.


Defining Toxic Positivity
According to The Psychology Group, toxic positivity is defined as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. Toxic positivity is more than just being optimistic; it's an obsession with maintaining a positive facade, even when it contradicts one's true feelings. While it might seem harmless on the surface, the consequences of toxic positivity can be detrimental.

Definition from The Psychology Group

Hiding Your True Feelings
Let’s face it—sometimes life is hard. But in a world that glorifies positivity, admitting that you’re struggling can feel like a failure. Have you ever found yourself forcing on a happy face, even when you are breaking inside? That’s the trap of toxic positivity.

One of the core issues with toxic positivity is the suppression of genuine emotions. People who practise it often hide their true feelings behind a mask of cheerfulness, pretending everything is alright, even when it isn't. 

Picture someone going through a tough breakup, but insisting they’re “totally fine” every time someone asks. This constant suppression of genuine emotions can create a disconnect between how they feel and how they present themselves to the world. It’s like living a double life, where you’re smiling on the outside but crumbling on the inside. Over time, this emotional dissonance can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a deep sense of loneliness. After all, how can anyone support you if they don’t know you need help?


Avoiding Problems Instead of Facing Them
Imagine someone struggling with debt but keeps telling themselves, “It’ll all work out,” without taking any action to fix the situation. They avoid opening bills, ignore calls from creditors, and keep spending as if nothing’s wrong. This avoidance is a form of toxic positivity, and it only makes the problem worse. As time passes, interest accumulates and the debt becomes even harder to manage. Eventually, they’re forced to face the reality they’ve been avoiding, but by then, the damage is far greater than if they’d tackled the issue head-on.

Toxic positivity encourages the dismissal of problems rather than addressing them. Those who embrace this mindset deny the existence of issues or traumatic experiences. They stay busy with various distractions to avoid confronting their problems head-on, hiding behind an "I'm okay" facade. This not only stifles personal growth but also prolongs the resolution of issues.

On the same page, with reference to the American Psychiatric Association, this self-imposed stigma also potentially prevents individuals from seeking help when they need it. Instead of reaching out to friends, family, or professionals for support, they isolate themselves in their pretend world of positivity. This can hinder their ability to find solutions to their problems and lead to a sense of hopelessness. 


Lack of Empathy
Toxic positivity doesn’t just affect the person practising it—it can also strain relationships. Have you ever opened up to someone about your struggles, only to be met with a dismissive “You are too negative about this.”? It’s frustrating, right? This mantra minimises your  problems with shallow advice, implying that you should simply "think positive." This can plant doubt in others' minds, making them feel that their emotional responses are inadequate or weak. 

From a professional view, Verywell Mind mentions that toxic positivity leads to feelings of shame or inadequacy in those who are struggling, as they may believe their emotions are invalid. Ultimately, this lack of empathy can prevent open and honest communication within relationships. Moreover, toxic positivity can plant seeds of doubt in the minds of those receiving such advice. They may question the legitimacy of their emotions, wondering if they're overreacting or being too negative. This cycle of self-criticism and self-doubt can be profoundly damaging to one's self-esteem and mental well-being.

Put yourself in their shoes—when people offer shallow platitudes instead of genuine support, it’s easy to feel unheard and invalidated. It’s like pouring cold water on a heartfelt conversation. Over time, this lack of empathy can erode trust and make it harder to form deep, meaningful connections. After all, how can you confide in someone who always seems to brush off your feelings?


Leap of Faith?
Encouraging blind positivity can result in real-world consequences. Picture this: someone decides to invest their life savings in a risky venture, convinced it will be a guaranteed success. They ignore the warnings, skip the research, and jump in headfirst. When things go south, they’re left devastated, wondering where it all went wrong.

Believing that everything will always work out can lead to poor decision-making, as people may overlook potential risks or fail to take necessary precautions. A more balanced perspective—one that considers both the positives and negatives—can guide more informed decisions and avoid unnecessary pitfalls.


Final Thoughts: Achieving Balance
In conclusion, it’s okay not to be okay. Emotions are complex, and it’s healthy to acknowledge both the highs and the lows. Just like in the movie "Inside Out," memories can be both joyful and sad. Instead of categorising emotions into "positive" and "negative," it's crucial to acknowledge and express them authentically. Instead of striving for constant happiness, aim for emotional balance. Embrace your feelings—both good and bad—and allow yourself to experience life authentically. After all, true resilience comes from facing reality, not from pretending everything is perfect.

Before we wrap up, remember the importance of relying on reputable sources when seeking information about topics like toxic positivity. Official sites and expert opinions provide reliable insights into subjects like this.

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