Leaving The Nest | by Amirah Farisyah
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Illustrated by Jazz @misterjazz._ |
It’s that time of the year again—those who were once just high school kids, fresh young adults, start leaving the nest to go and continue their studies abroad. Harrowing, bustling, chaotic, and most importantly, stressful, this is when the ones leaving the nest rush to get everything prepared: visas, packing, flight tickets, accommodations, you name it. Yet, for the sentimental ones, this is when the biggest, scariest emotions arise as we bid farewell to our loved ones before moving hundreds or thousands of kilometres away. And this experience may go both ways as we watch our closest friends, siblings and beloved family members start to fly off as well.
This experience may feel lonely, especially if you’re flying abroad alone. While it is important to ensure everything is taken care of accordingly, it is also important to know that you are not alone in this major life-changing event. Let’s talk about it.
The Birds.
Being the one to take the leap of faith is more often than not, a scary and intimidating experience. There is so much that lies ahead—will I be able to adjust to these completely new surroundings? Am I going to be able to survive on my own? What kind of people will I be surrounded by? And the new culture I have yet to learn? At the same time, there are worries about life back at home—how will my relationship with my loved ones be sustained with such great distance between us? Will I be able to keep in touch and not miss out on my friends’ major life milestones? Will my relationship with these people stay the same once I come back?
Needless to say, it gets overwhelming. There’s an unspoken grief that comes with leaving your entire life behind, grieving togetherness that will be sacrificed once you leave. Grieving the missed opportunities with people that only come to mind as leaving comes closer. For some, the grief is all-consuming. It can sometimes become difficult to focus on the positive when all that’s on the forefront of your mind is sadness. For some, it’s also fear that can feel overpowering. The anxiety of not knowing what could happen, how things will turn out, what to do, and how to survive can become paralysing. Some could even begin to procrastinate on current responsibilities and commitments because of this anxiety. On top of all that, dealing with the processes of going abroad, planning, and going to offices and appointments generally eat up a lot of energy as well, so constant fatigue may be experienced too.
Although, it’s not all gloomy! The excitement of seeing new possibilities in exploring a completely new area of life is beyond words. Imagine decorating your new room, meeting new friends, and the endless awakenings one can experience with the newfound freedom of being by yourself in a different country—it’s riveting. For some, being away from home means taking a break from the potentially negative environment in your household too, which can serve as a sense of fresh air. Being able to live your own life and be yourself in a completely new place, starting on a clean slate can pose as the start of growing into a new, more whole person.
The Nest.
After the pride and joy of seeing your loved ones get accepted into universities abroad die down, there is a whirlwind of emotions which arises once you realise that someone important will be leaving the country soon. Separations are hard, especially when the separation is between countries and oceans apart. Be it your partner, best friend, brother/sister you never had, whoever. As happy as you are for them, it is still fully valid to experience negative feelings with the news that your person will be moving away.
Commonly, it feels as though you are in a race against time to cherish their presence as much as possible before their leaving. Frantically making plans, trying to see them as often as possible, and making sure that each moment counts, it can sometimes get overwhelming. The awareness of time passing and fleeting moments can be stressful—am I maximising the time that I have with them? Am I too caught up in my head to be present in the moment? Am I missing out on anything we should do while we still have the chance? When will I have this chance with them again?
Especially as a partner or a close friend, your brain is quick to jump to thoughts of how life will feel once they’re far away. The last few hangouts before they leave are tainted with lingering sadness and longing even though they haven’t left yet. There are worries of uncertainty; what if life’s direction pushes us to grow in different directions to the point of incompatibility? What if we become different people by the time they come back? Yet, at the same time, there’s a growing sense of appreciation for the little things—perhaps a simple ice cream cup in the backseat of their car, taking pictures of each other’s matching outfits, or impromptu dinners at the ‘mamak’ near your home. Basking in these seemingly run-of-the-mill moments can foster hope and comfort in knowing that your relationship, be it platonic or romantic, will stand the test of time regardless of where each of you is.
Coping.
With the rollercoaster of emotions that you go through when faced with a major life-changing milestone, it’s important to keep in mind a few things to help you work through the emotions. Here are a few tips:
1. Speak the truth.
It’s so crucial to make sure you let the people around you know how important they are to you before it’s too late. Don’t hold back– even if it seems cheesy. It’s always better to say what you mean than to hold back and regret not telling them while you have the chance. At the end of the day, these are the moments you’ll look back on and be grateful that you had them.
2. Stay grounded.
Getting too far in your head can lead to dark and suffocating thoughts. Try to combat your anxious thoughts by listing things to be excited about, the alternative outcomes where things end up working out; or if it gets too much to think about, watching vlogs from students in similar situations helps too.
3. Keep in contact.
As Tyler the Creator said, “Don’t get green skin, keep contact.” Another way of coping with the distance as the nest would be to keep little reminders of your partner or friend easily accessible, like letters, pictures, and voice notes. These little things may help you feel at ease knowing that no matter what, you will stay important to them even if you aren’t as near anymore.
At the end of the day, going abroad to pursue your studies is mainly about the experience, so don’t forget to have fun and live life to the fullest! Before you know it, you’ll have plenty of silly anecdotes and life stories to tell your loved ones back at home about your ventures and new relationships. Be safe and good luck abroad!
1 comments
this is so so good!! love this piece
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